Voices of the past
by Sevi007
Summary: It's impressive, the things we can forget just by pushing them in the farthest, darkest corner of our mind. But when one revisits those things, dusts them off and looks at them, hears voices that have long since went silent, then old pain resurfaces. And even a trained hero can't withstand the brute force of that alone. Toshinori learns that the hard way.


**Little One-Shot set in the same AU as "Smile again", but taking place after that. Think of it as an early released Sequel of sorts.**

 **Dedicated to izuqu and blacknovelist55 on tumblr, because they always make my headcanons a 100 % better and always manage to make me smile, no matter how bad my day was up until then.**

 **Have fun reading!**

Dust particle swirled through the room, dancing in the air.

One breathe, and Toshinori faltered, twitching, before he sneezed loudly, almost letting go of the cardboard box he had just dragged out of the depths of his wardrobe.

The rustling sound from the next room stopped, instead a worried voice called out, "Toshinori-san? Is everything alright?"

Involuntarily, Toshinori had to suppress a grin while he whipped his nose. Calling back, he straightened himself, adjusting his grip on the box. "I only sneezed, Izuku. No reason to sound so distressed."

More rustling, and then Izuku's wild mop of green hair popped up in the doorframe to the bedroom, a sheepish grin on the boy's face. "Uh, sorry. Still getting used to you being out of the infirmary and not in permanent danger of…"

Izuku trailed off, smile faltering and disappearing as the memories of an injured Toshinori came back.

Toshinori could almost read his student's mind, Izuku being one of the most expressive persons he had ever met. Silently sighing, he put down the box for good, whipping his hands on his pants, and crossed the room with two fast strides.

Izuku almost jumped in surprise as Toshinori reached out and ruffled his hair. Green eyes blinked up in confusion. "Um…?"

"Stop worrying for a second, Izuku," Toshinori murmured, "I'm fine. I really am."

Izuku frowned for a split-second, before he smiled slightly. "Right. I will try to not worry so much."

"The best would be if you just would stop worrying about me completely."

"Ah. Nope. Not going to do that."

"Cheeky boy."

They grinned at each other before they separated, Izuku pointing over his shoulder. "I will go and finish packing the things in the living room."

"Right," Toshinori hesitated, remembering that the living room gave the most work to do. "Do you need help with that?"

"No, no, it's okay!" Izuku assured hastily, waving both hands for emphasis. "I just need to pack all those DVDs, then I'm finished."

"Ah. I'm sorry, I own quite a bit of those, I fear," Toshinori grimaced as he remembered how many DVDs he had collected over the years. He just loved movies, and DVDs were one of the few things he bought without asking himself if he really needed them. "I will come help you as soon as I'm finished with this room."

"You won't need to, really. I will finish before you can come help me."

"Oh, now that sounds like a competition."

Izuku's eyes lit up as he grinned, dashing back to the living room while he called over his shoulder, "It's a race!"

"Racing a sick old man is not really that difficult!" Toshinori called back, unable to stop his own grin.

"Stop saying you're old!"

The older of the two just shook his head, smile faltering as soon as Izuku was gone.

Sighing quietly, Toshinori rubbed the back of his neck, taking a moment to collect himself.

He could understand Izuku's worry and anxiety. Things had changed rather fast, for Toshinori, for Izuku, for the whole worth.

Suddenly, the image of a nearly invincible All Might was gone. No, All Might _himself_ was gone, leaving behind a weak, frail Toshinori, still recovering from his injuries, tired and disorientated.

Suddenly, he was no longer a hero, but a simple civilian. Not able to protect anyone, not even himself, to be honest. His body was even weaker than that of an ordinary civilian, winded by his old injuries and the constant strain he had put on himself for years.

Heck, others were worried he would fall over from a simple _sneeze._

No wonder principal Nedzu had practically threatened him until Toshinori had given in and agreed to move into the dorms with the students. ( _"We want to keep you safe, after all.")_

He cracked a smile at the thought, turning around to his open wardrobe and the boxes piled up neatly throughout the room. Well, to be honest, Izuku's timid question if he could _–_ probably, eventually, _hopefully_ – think about living at the dorms had been the final straw. Toshinori had not found it in himself to say No to that.

That was also the reason why they were both here, in Toshinori's rather small apartment in the middle of the afternoon. Izuku had been quite adamant about helping him pack his things.

Toshinori had been equally adamant about not needing help. Despite being a well-paid – no, despite _having been_ a well-paid hero, he didn't own many things. He had never seen the merit in that, so he had been satisfied with renting a two-room apartment and owning only the most necessary things.

When he had voiced this out loud and said that he would manage alone, though, Izuku had just looked at him with that determined glint in his eyes and answered, "Please let me help you, Toshinori-san."

And that had been that.

Toshinori realized a bit belatedly that somewhere down the line, they had reached a point where he found himself unable to say downright No to Izuku.

He couldn't even bring himself to feel bad about that. He felt quite… at ease about it, honestly.

Shaking his head at his own silliness, Toshinori crouched down with a silent groan and picked up the box he had found in the back of his wardrobe. It was old, the cardboard grey from dust that could not be brushed away anymore. Even the tape holding the box closed was so old that it didn't its job right anymore, falling open just as he touched it slightly.

It must have been years since he had last opened that thing, Toshinori mused. He couldn't even remember what was in there. Which was odd, since he remembered everything else he owned – it wasn't much, after all. This box, however, had completely slipped his mind.

Not able to quench his curiosity, Toshinori carried his load across the room, over to the bed. Sitting down, he heaved the box on his lap, already ripping the lids open.

Another wave of dust greeted him and he had to stop for a moment, willing down the itch in his nose. Sniffling slightly, he peered into the box.

CDs.

The whole box was full of CDs. CDs in blank covers, a hand-written title on each of the silvery discs.

Blinking in surprise, Toshinori reached inside, pulling one CD out of the neat pile and putting the box aside. The words _Days 20-30,_ written with black marker and in elegantly curved handwriting, greeted him.

A memory resurfaced, whispering at the back of his mind, but he couldn't quite catch it yet. He also couldn't explain why his heartrate was increasing or why his breathing turned ragged the longer he stared at the disc in his hand.

Laying the disc aside, he reached into the box again, searching through the content. There were CDs over CDs, each of them labelled with the word _Days_ and different numbers.

Something about the curved handwriting seemed familiar to Toshinori, but he couldn't pinpoint it. Growing more curious by the second, he pulled out the CD with the words _Day 1–10_ on it and went to search the laptop he had bought a long time ago.

He found it after some searching, laying on his work desk, hidden by a pile of papers he had yet to grade. Sitting back down at the edge of the bed, Toshinori put the CD into the driver.

Once it had finally processed, a folder popped up, full with video files, each of them labelled with a number ranging from one to ten.

Without thinking further about it or hesitating, Toshinori started the video labelled as number one, all the while making sure that the sound was turned on.

There was a pause as the video processed, the loading screen showing only black.

Then, the video started, and immediately Toshinori was greeted quite loudly.

„ _Hey there!"_

Toshinori's heart almost stopped upon hearing the familiar, yet already half-forgotten voice.

How long had it been since he had last heard that cheerful lilt, smile audible in every syllable?

Too long, far too long.

He stopped the video without thinking, out of pure reflex.

His fingers quivered, hovering over the button. One click, and he could start the video anew. Could watch further. But he wasn't sure if he _could stand it._ He had only heard two words, and already his breath was ragged, throat rough and constricted and eyes burning with unshed tears.

It _hurt._

But… that was Nana. Right in front of him. Speaking to him. It was his only chance of seeing her, apart from unmoving photos. It was his only chance of hearing her voice ever again.

Fingers quivering so badly he almost missed the buttons, Toshinori started the video again.

Instantly, Nana leaned into view, smiling widely and throwing a victory sign at the camera. A few strands of her hung into her face, fallen loose from her usual bun, and she blew them away in an absentminded move. Her smile was wide and beaming, her eyes flashing with barely contained energy.

(Alive. So, so _alive_.)

The camera wobbled slightly, indicating her inexperience with the device, but she didn't let herself be stopped by that. _"Welcome to the very first day of this video diary! I had the great idea of recording Toshinori's progress and show it to him later. I'm sure we will have much fun watching that in a few months!"_

In the present, Toshinori chuckled as he heard that. Nana had been the one to have much fun with that. He himself had been more embarrassed about it, hiding his burning face behind his hands while they had sat together and watched the record. Gran Torino had suppressed a snort at a few points, indicating his amusement. And Nana had laughed out loud, pointing with her finger and nudging Toshinori to get him to look at the screen.

The record interrupted his memories. _"But enough from me. Let's go take a look how my student is doing!"_

The camera turned, pointing away from Nana and towards the ground as the woman made her way over to the training grounds. Muffled sounds could be heard from off-screen.

Shakily, the camera was lifted again. Now there could be seen a new scenery – a blond teenager and a middle-aged man, standing opposite from each other on a lawn. The teenager was doubled over, hands braced on his bend knees while he gasped for air. On the other hand, the man looked almost bored, arms crossed in front of his chest and tapping his foot impatiently.

" _And here we see a rare species of determined student and grumpy teacher!"_ Nana announced from off-screen. _"Taking a break from training already?"_

The teenager jolted visibly, head whipping up to look at the camera. Blue eyes widened considerably as he caught sight of the device. _"Sensei, what are you doing?!"_

It was weird, hearing the voice of his much younger self coming from the speakers. Toshinori didn't know if he should laugh or groan in embarrassment as he heard the higher version of his own voice, filtered even higher because of the technology.

" _Recording your progress, obviously,"_ one could almost hear how Nana smirked while saying that. She zoomed in on Toshinori's rapidly growing blush. _"Good thing I didn't opt for the black-and-white film. Say Hello to the camera, Toshinori!"_

" _What… nope, no way!"_ The boy threw both arms up, hiding his face behind them. _"Stop that, please! That's embarrassing!"_

" _Oh come on! It's a great idea!"_

" _Nu-uh, it's not."_

" _Nana,"_ a deep voice interjected from outside of the frame. _"You're only distracting the boy. I don't think that will help with his training. And that's saying something, seeing as I already am questioning your decision to make a random boy you found on the street your successor."_

" _Hey!"_ Toshinori protested, arms flopping down from his reddened face so that he could glare at his mentor.

" _It's nothing personal, boy. I'm only criticizing Nana's rush decision-making."_

The camera swung around, swivelling away from Toshinori and towards his trainer. _"Good way to start, old friend. Dear audience, here we have my biggest criticizer and the absolute best partner one could hope for – Gran Torino! Ta-dah!"_

Gran Torino didn't even look at the camera, his gaze fixed on something above and behind the lens. Most likely holding Nana's gaze. _"You have way too much free time, Nana."_

" _I'm making good use of that free time,"_ Nana answered, camera tilting as she tried to get a better shot of her partner. _"Do I get a smile from you, Gran-Gran?"_

There was a muffled snicker from Toshinori to be heard. _"You call him Gran-Gran? Seriously?"_

A muscle in Gran Torino's cheek twitched, and a light-red colour creeped onto his face. Frowning disgruntledly, the man hissed, _"Could you stop calling me that already?"_

" _I probably could. I'm pretty sure you like it, though."_

" _I most certainly don't!"_

A warm hand landed on Toshinori's shoulder, pulling him back to the present with a start. His finger hit the button on reflex, stopping the record.

Blinking owlishly, he gazed up, disorientated and confused.

Izuku meet his gaze with a solemn expression, green eyes shining with different emotions which Toshinori couldn't all decipher.

Upon catching his gaze, Izuku smiled hesitantly at him, squeezing his shoulder slightly. The boy's gaze flickered from Toshinori's face to the screen and back, and there was a hint of understanding to be seen in his eyes.

Toshinori reciprocated the smile with some strain, mind and heart still in a disarray over what he should feel or think. He had even forgotten that Izuku was in the apartment with him, nor had he realized that the boy had re-entered the room and come to stand next to him.

For a few moments, he had not been the middle-aged, sick Toshinori from today, but the healthy teenager he once had been.

(For a few moments, he had pretended that Nana was still alive and well.)

"I…," his voice sounded broken, rough, and he stopped. Instead he gestured towards the laptop, looking up at Izuku. "I found some old records of me and… and Nana. Sorry for getting side-tracked, I know we agreed on packing my stuff today…"

"It's fine," Izuku interrupted him softly, grip around his shoulder tightening slightly. "It's fine, really. I can do the rest of the packing alone, if you want me to? There is not much left."

Toshinori hesitated, torn between keeping those memories to himself like the treasure they were and sharing them with Izuku, because the longer he knew that boy, the more he wanted to share with him…

As Izuku made a move to pull back and Toshinori instantly missed the warmth of the hand on his shoulder, the retired hero knew that he didn't want to be alone right now.

"Do you… want to see?"

For a moment, surprise flickered over Izuku's expression, mouth opening to start rambling that _this was not necessary, he didn't have to show him if he wasn't sure…_

But then their gazes met, and Izuku clamped his mouth shut and nodded silently.

Feeling strangely relieved yet anxious at the same time, Toshinori started the video where it had left of.

Next to him, the mattress dipped slightly as Izuku sat down.

Gran Torino could be seen frowning at the young Toshinori, clearly annoyed that the boy was snickering at him. _"Okay, that's it, boy. Break is over, more laps for you."_

The snickering stopped instantly. _"Eh, what?!"_ theteenager exclaimed, clearly shocked to hear that. " _But I'm already winded as it is!"_

" _Obviously not winded enough. You still have some breathe left in you to snicker."_

" _Toshinori gets his first punishment,"_ Nana commented _. "Good thing I'm recording that, so he won't do the mistake of angering Gran Torino again in the future."_

Toshinori shot a look at the camera that was a mixture of disbelieve and accusation. _"Sensei, this was_ your _fault in the first place."_

" _Really? I'm sorry, then."_

" _You don't really sound like you're sorry, though…"_

" _Welcome to my world,"_ Gran Torino commented dryly, though there was something akin to amusement in his voice. _"She's always like this."_

" _Ah, really?"_

" _Really."_

" _Oh."_

" _Hey, wait a moment, you two! Are you ganging up on me now?"_ Nana tried to sound hurt, but she didn't quite manage to.

" _Kind of, yes."_

" _Sorry, Sensei."_

" _Ah, well. At least you two are bonding. And I've got it all recorded! Ha!"_

" _Wha-..."_ there could be spluttering heard while the camera swivelled around again as Nana turned and ran for it.

" _Nana! Hand over that camera!"_

" _Nope! You will have to catch me, Gran-Gran!"_

" _Stop calling me that already!"_

The video ended at that, rather abruptly.

Toshinori barked out a laugh at the all too familiar scene – there had been many times where he had laughed at Gran Torino's flustered demeanour once Nana was involved, only to be punished with more training. The two adults had behaved themselves like children more than once, bickering over little things and teasing each other like no tomorrow. It had always been a source of entertainment for Toshinori, though he had not dared to laugh too loudly after a few punishments.

The laugh tumbled out of his mouth, hoarse and broken. A sob followed, surprising Toshinori completely. Only then did he realize that there were tears streaming down his face, the salty liquid wetting his lips which were still stretched into a smile.

He wanted to say something, make a shaky, humourless joke about himself, but another sob rolled up his throat, and seconds later, he was leaning forward, one hand rising up to cover his mouth as sob after sob rolled through him. Eyes squeezed shut, tears spilling nonetheless, Toshinori let go of every bit control he had left and just let everything out. The resurfacing pain over Nana's death, mixed with nostalgic longing and long-forgotten happiness from earlier days was just too much. It felt like he was unravelling at the seams, old and new feelings coming together to haunt him.

The source of warmth next to him shifted. The laptop was carefully pulled out from Toshinori's loose grip and set aside.

Only then did Izuku reach over and embraced his crying mentor, gently, oh-so-gently, as if he would break under too much pressure.

Izuku didn't say anything, just pulled Toshinori into a hug, resting his chin on a quivering, bony shoulder, stroking his back carefully.

Toshinori couldn't even bring himself to be ashamed over the fact that he, a grown man with years' worth of experience as a hero, years' worth of seeing tragedy, could break down like this, over a simple video. He just kept crying, grateful for the warmth and the strong shoulder to lean on which Izuku provided.

It took Toshinori a few minutes to stop and collect himself somewhat, and even then, he still felt as if he would break down at the slightest nudge. Clearing his throat and tasting copper at the back of his throat, he straightened himself, sitting up and rubbing his eyes furiously.

Izuku's arms loosened their grip, but the boy refused to let go completely, still continuing the stroking motions, up and down Toshinori's back.

Leaning forward to rest his forehead against Izuku's, Toshinori mumbled quietly, "Thank you."

"Anytime," Izuku answered instantly, as if the answer had already rested on the tip of his tongue.

Bringing some distance between them (instantly regretting it when Izuku let go of him and left him feeling cold) Toshinori's gaze drifted over to the cardboard box. Or rather, all the CDs that were still in there.

He could close the box. Close it and put it back where he had found it. Leaving it here when he moved to the dorms. He could just try to forget about it, push the thought of videos and records and memories and Nana as far away as possible.

Or he could finally face the pain he had carried around all those years. Overcome it, and feel more at ease after that.

Toshinori made his decision when he turned around again, meeting Izuku's gaze. Izuku had not moved from his spot, sitting right next to him, hands folded in his lap. He waited patiently for his mentor to say or do something, and there was nothing apart from patience and warmth visible in his eyes.

"Izuku…," Toshinori trailed off, not sure how to say it. It sounded so weak, almost childish of him.

On the other hand, he had already cried into his student's shoulder. Izuku had seen him at his worst a few times already, and not once had the boy looked down on him for it. He had nothing to lose here.

Breathing in and out deeply, Toshinori gestured towards the cardboard box next to him. "Watch them with me?"

He didn't say _Please._ Didn't need to, when his voice was a plea in itself.

Izuku did not ask _All of them?_ or _Now?,_ like most people would have. He didn't even seem surprised by the question. Not missing a beat, the boy smiled at him and answered, "Sure. Just let me call Mum first, so I can tell her that I will probably stay overnight, okay?"

"Okay," Toshinori nodded, feeling his breath leave him in a relieved sigh.

He closed his eyes to collect himself a bit as Izuku got up and left the room to make his call. Toshinori already felt tired out just from one video. And by the looks of it, Nana had recorded and neatly stacked most of their training together. Watching all of this would most likely take him to his limits. Or even beyond them.

The sound of a throat being cleared pulled him from his thoughts. Toshinori looked up to see Izuku standing in the doorframe.

His sense of time must have been all over the place if Izuku had already finished his call, Toshinori observed. It had felt as if only seconds had passed.

As their gazes met, Izuku lifted his mobile phone slightly. "I talked to Mum. She's okay with it, since it's a Saturday and I don't have school tomorrow."

Toshinori smiled slightly. He didn't ask what Izuku had told her exactly over the phone. If he had told Inko about Toshinori's current condition or the real reason why he would stay here overnight. It was not that important.

"She also invited you to lunch tomorrow," a grin flickered over Izuku's expression. "She thinks you need healthy food once in a while."

Toshinori actually snorted at that. "I will have you know that I eat healthy enough as it is, my boy."

Izuku's eyebrows almost reached his hairline, and there was the grin again. "You would live off tea alone if nobody would check up on you."

"I will not even comment that," Toshinori gave up the discussion (knowing that he had lost) and patted a spot on the mattress, right next to himself. "Come on, let's start this movie night."

He was not really eager to start this so called movie night, mind you. It was more a sort of "getting it over with". He already could feel his hands shake in cold anticipation of what was to come.

Izuku probably knew this, because he wasted no time, crossing the room and settling himself on the mattress next to Toshinori. Both of them leaning against the headboards in their back, pillows pushed up so that they were a bit cushioned, they positioned the laptop so that they could both see it and laid the CDs on the mattress next to them.

The first CD was still in the drive, Toshinori had only to press the button to start the next video. But he hesitated for a second, dreading the content of said video quite a bit.

Half-joking, half-serious, he glanced in Izuku's direction to ask, "Ready?"

Izuku cracked a smile at him, eyes serious. "Ready when you are."

That managed to actually get a heartfelt smile out of Toshinori, and he pressed the start button. "Let's go, then."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ H ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took them hours to watch all of the records. Nana had recorded everything, not only the moments she had deemed important. Or she had just deemed everything important. Nobody knew anymore.

There were videos that showed a simple training day together without anything special happening, just sparring between Toshinori and Gran Torino and, occasionally, with Nana.

There were days recorded where Toshinori had trained alone, absolving obstacle courses which had been built for him.

(If it was boring Izuku, he didn't show it. Gaze only occasionally leaving the screen to drift over to Toshinori and check up on him, the boy watched and listened, completely enraptured, everything that was happening in the videos.)

(Sometimes Toshinori caught himself observing rather the little shifts in Izuku's expression than the videos themselves. Not only because he needed to look away from the records when his emotions became too much, but also because every time he saw Izuku's eye light up in interest or a smile quirk his lips upwards, Toshinori felt warm fondness flood him, easing the pain in his chest away.)

Those were the simpler, more boring records.

There were others.

Records which had been spent discussing Toshinori's soon-to-be quirk One for All and how he could prepare his body for it.

(Those were the ones were Izuku perked up slightly, gaze sharpening as he listened even closer than before. Toshinori made a mental note to write the number of those records down, intending to use them for reference, cursing himself that he had forgotten about the records up until now. They certainly would have helped with Izuku's training.)

Records where Nana had been her usual, cheerful self, making Toshinori laugh even though he had been in the middle of his training. She had even managed to get a grin or a laugh out of Gran Torino at some points, leading to both Nana and Toshinori cheering and laughing while the man had demanded that they _stop it already_.

Records where Toshinori had been down-trodden after a particular hard training or an unsuccessful day at U.A., feeling as if he wasn't good enough. Those were the records in which both Nana and Gran Torino had tried their best – in different ways – to cheer the boy up, only satisfied when they had finally gotten a smile out of him.

Those more personal records were the most difficult ones. Part of Toshinori wanted to smile fondly, nostalgically, at the scenes on-screen, but the other, bigger part of him just _hurt,_ silently crying out whenever Nana could be seen, wanting her to be alive, wanting to hear her loud laugh in person and not through speakers and on record.

It was the only way to hear her at all, though, Toshinori had to remind himself time and time again. As alive as she seemed in the videos – Nana was dead, gone, and nothing could bring her back.

Each time, each record, he had to remind himself of her death, and each time, it hurt just like the first time.

If Izuku had not been there, Toshinori could not have managed to watch through all of it, he was sure of that.

Whenever he could feel it getting too much, whenever he tensed up, shoulders quivering and breathing getting ragged, Izuku leaned a bit further into him.

Two videos in, Izuku was snuggled up to his mentor where they were probed up with their backs against the cushions and the headboard.

Four videos in, and Izuku had his head resting on Toshinori's shoulder.

Only shortly after this, their fingers had ended up intertwined, and whenever Toshinori threatened to break, the grip tightened slightly, comfortingly, assuring him _I'm here._

Toshinori couldn't help but smile gratefully, squeezing back in answer.

 _I know._

And a second squeeze, slightly stronger than the first.

 _Thank you._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ H ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later, Toshinori's eyes were not only burning from both shed and un-shed tears, but also from overexertion, staring at a bright screen in a dark room for far too long. Night had fallen long ago, and the screen of the laptop was the only light source. Not exactly advisable.

Well, at least they had gone through all of the records now.

Sighing quietly, only then realizing how dry his throat was, Toshinori lifted one hand and rubbed his tired eyes.

The movement was met with a quiet snuffling sound from his left side, and Toshinori froze, blinking down at Izuku in surprise.

The boy's eyes were closed, breathe even and expression peaceful. He was still snuggled up close to Toshinori, head resting in the crook of his neck. The fingers wrapped around Toshinori's own had gone limp, slipping off slightly.

Huh. The boy must have fallen asleep during the span of that last video, because right at the start of that record, they had spoken with each other.

Toshinori's gaze softened as Izuku mumbled something in his sleep and shifted closer, head almost falling off the shoulder he was leaning on.

Reaching out hastily, Toshinori managed to catch his student and ease him down onto the pillow instead. Making sure that the boy had not woken up because of the sudden movement, he grinned as Izuku rolled around, shifting until he was able to catch Toshinori's hand, the same he had been holding onto before. Still sleeping, Izuku latched onto the limb, holding it tightly as if to make sure that his mentor could not run away.

"Silly boy," Toshinori grumbled good-naturedly, giving up on the thought of getting free of the death-grip.

Not that he really wanted to, honestly.

Satisfied with his current position, he absentmindedly reached out to the piles of CDs lying next to him on the mattress. One pile for the CDs that had yet to be watched, the other pile for those that they had already finished watching. The former had shrunken slowly but surely in the last few hours.

Thus Toshinori was rather surprised when he noticed one last CD lying there.

Hesitating slightly, he contemplated for a moment to just pretend he had not seen it there. Then he reprimanded himself silently – that was childish. It was just one CD. He had just watched a good dozen of them. He could manage that last one alone.

Nodding to himself, Toshinori inserted the CD and opened the folder which popped up with a quick click of the mouse. All the while, he made sure not to move too much as not to wake his sleeping student.

There was only one video file in the folder, named simply _Toshinori._

The first video out of all of them that had not been simply named with a day, a number.

A bad feeling creeped up on Toshinori and he resisted to urge to close the folder or simply turn off the laptop as a whole. Instead, he steeled himself again and started the video.

At first, there was nothing much to see. The camera was facing a wall, though there could be heard muffled sounds from off-screen.

Then, the camera was turned around, and yet again, Toshinori's heart squeezed painfully in his chest as he caught sight of his deceased teacher.

" _Hello again."_ Nana's smile seemed surprisingly strained as she lifted one hand for a half-hearted wave towards the camera. She was sitting cross-legged, holding the camera with one hand. Not only was there a strain to her smile, but she also looked slightly pale and tired, as if something was weighing her down.

Toshinori almost reached out to touch her, comfort her, before he reminded himself yet again that he _couldn't._

Nana breathed in and out deeply before she continued, looking slightly more relaxed. _"The video diary is over and we just watched the outcome together. Toshinori didn't thank me, but hey – he was too embarrassed. That's okay. He is cute when he's embarrassed, so I will just take that as my loan."_

Toshinori bit back a chuckle as she winked at the camera, afraid to wake up Izuku with the sound.

" _But, as funny as that is, that's not the reason why I'm recording this right now,"_ Nana's smile wavered slightly, before she steadied herself again, expression softening into something fond and full of adoration. _"Toshinori, this video is just for you to see. When you watch this, then I'm probably not around anymore to tell you all of this in person. Gran Torino will give this records to you once I'm… once I'm no longer able to do so myself."_

The words hit Toshinori like a punch to the gut, even though they were years old and just a recorded memory on top of that.

Nana had taken this record knowing that she would die? Just when had she recorded this? When had she known that she would die? Or had she just acted based on the fact that a hero's life was always at stake and one could not know if he would live to see tomorrow?

He pushed those questions aside, knowing that there was no chance of getting some answers. Nana had always made sure that she told neither Gran Torino nor Toshinori all there was to know about her. She had done so because she believed it would keep them safe.

Normally, he understood that decision. But today, Toshinori only wished she could have told them more.

Toshinori shook his head, trying to concentrate on what happened in the video.

Nana's smile was always gone completely as she looked at the camera, but she tried her best to keep it up as she continued, _"Toshinori, whenever you see this somewhere in the future… I just wanted to say how proud I am of you."_

There it was, the moment were Toshinori had to fight to keep quiet. A sob caught in his throat and tears starting to spill, he rigorously pressed his hand over his mouth in an attempt to silence himself. He would _not_ wake up Izuku, only to scare the boy with his crying.

" _I don't think you realized it yourself, at least not yet. Most likely you_ never _will_ _realize it yourself, you stubborn, self-conscious boy."_ Nana chuckled quietly, her gaze and smile fond yet a tad sad. _"So I will tell you this now, and you better not forget it again._

 _Toshi, you did so well. When I took you as my successor, Gran Torino was not the only one to reprimand me for taking a quirkless, inexperienced boy as my successor. No, I… quite honestly, I was afraid, too. Not because I doubted your determination or your good heart. I never did, you hear me? You never gave me a reason to. But… I was afraid that I had endangered your life. That I had doomed you too a lonely lifestyle and an early death."_

Nana paused at that, her own words clearly getting to her.

On the other side of the screen, separated through years and death, Toshinori bit down onto the hand over his mouth, silently praying that Nana, somehow, knew in the end that he would be fine.

He _was_ fine. Or at least… he was alive. And he was not alone, he added silently while his gaze flickered over to the sleeping form of Izuku.

" _A hero's life isn't as awesome and shining as the public seems to believe sometimes. A hero's life can be ugly, and lonely. You don't get to keep family or friends close like a normal person would, seeing as that would endanger them. Trust me, I know that from my own experience."_

So she had recorded this after her husband had died, Toshinori concluded. After she had given her child away. After she had lost her family.

Suddenly, the sadness in Nana's expression was pushed aside, forgotten in favour for true joy as she leaned towards the camera, smile almost splitting her features. There was nothing but pride and joy burning in her eyes as she continued, hands gesturing excitedly, _"But hey! Just look at you, Toshinori! Right now, as I'm speaking, you just absolved the months of training. You passed the entrance exam to U.A. You did it, you hear me? You worked so hard for all of this, and you did it! That's amazing!"_

New tears burned in Toshinori's eyes, for a different reason this time. Joy and sad longing mixed with pride led to a muffled sob, an almost groan, stifled by the hand over his mouth.

And Nana still continued, _"You did not only reach the expectations I had for you, no, you surpassed all of them. You came so far, in such a short span of time. There is no limit for you. Toshinori, right now, I sincerely believe that you can do just about everything._

 _I'm proud of you, Toshinori. So, so proud of you. I believe, no, I_ know _you will be that pillar in the future, the pillar you wanted to be. You will be an even greater hero than I am, I just know it. And once you're there – you will hear me cheer for you! I will tell everyone: Look up there! See that shining figure, that hero? That's my student. That's my boy! You better be amazed by him, or I will kick your ass!"_

A laugh mixed into the next sob as Toshinori actually smiled slightly at the sight of Nana holding her fist up, ready to punch whoever would disagree with her in that point.

" _Well, that probably won't even be necessary. I don't think there will be anyone who won't be amazed by you, so no ass-kicking for me, I guess."_ Nana laughed at that, scratching her cheek with a sheepish grin before she sobered up again. Taking a moment to overthink her next words, she then continued, " _As for your future… There is no doubt that you will reach your goal, so the only thing I hope for is… that you find a student, once the time has come for that._

 _A student who measures up to you. A student who is as kind-hearted and determined as you. Someone who will give it his all to be the best student for you. Someone who can be more than just your student… someone who will love you. You were the best student I could have had. Meeting you and getting you as my student was the best thing that could have happened to me, and you deserve the same."_

There was no stopping it anymore. Tears were streaming down his face and his teeth were almost drawing blood as Toshinori bit down onto his hand to stifle any sounds. To think that Nana had worried even about that… it broke his heart, knowing that she had never shared this with him when she had still been alive. Though at the same time, he was touched beyond measures

" _So, in the end, all I have to say is… thank you for being my student, Toshinori. I'm proud of you, and… I love you as if you were my own son, you know? Though I probably will never get to tell you this in person… I really, really do."_

A long pause where Nana said nothing, her expression crumbling and eyes glistening suspiciously.

Before there were any tears, though, she reached over to the camera. A distinct _click,_ and the record ended as the camera was turned off.

Toshinori was left sitting there, frozen, tears streaming down his face, hand still muffling any sobs that threatened to spill out. It took him a good few minutes to get over what he had just seen, and even longer before he had the energy to lift his hand and rub away any left-over tears.

Apparently, he had not been quiet enough, because just as he had gotten a grip over himself again, there was a tired, slurred voice.

"Toshinori-san?"

Toshinori turned the next sob into a cough, though it didn't work quite as well as he had planned. Trying to clear his throat somewhat, he turned off the laptop and set it aside. Instantly, the room was plunged into darkness as the faint light of the screen vanished, and Toshinori was grateful for that. This way, he could hide his tear-stained face and the bite-marks on his hand as he tried a smile and turned towards his student. "Hey, Izuku."

Izuku shifted next to him, pushing himself up while one hand was still gripping Toshinori's own tightly. The boy's consciousness came back rather fast as he seemed to notice that his mentor was crying still. "What…?"

"Today was a bit too much," Toshinori interrupted him softly before he could formulate the question. "It's okay, I'm just too old for this."

He couldn't see Izuku's expression, but the following words were full of indignation. "You're not _old!"_

Involuntarily, Toshinori let out a soft laugh, the pain in his chest easing at Izuku's reprimand. Whipping away the last of his tears, he reached over to ruffle Izuku's hair again and managed a real, heartfelt smile, hoping that it would be seen even in the dark. "Always protecting me, aren't you. Even from myself."

Izuku fidgeted for a second before he answered, "Well, of course. You would do the same for me, right?"

"Right," Toshinori confirmed without hesitation. Knowing right when he said it that, yes, he would do it. He would do close to everything to keep Izuku save.

 _Nana, can you see? I found him._

He probably stayed silent for too long, lost in his amazement that he had found such a good student.

Izuku's next question was more worried than before, the grip around Toshinori's hand tightening. "Toshinori-san? Are you sure you're okay?"

"No," Toshinori confessed slowly, realizing that he couldn't fool the boy. At all. "I'm probably not entirely okay. But… I will manage. I just need some time."

"Right," his protégé didn't seem very reassured at that, but he tried to sound to sound like it. "So, then…?"

"Then, we should probably go back to sleep," Toshinori interrupted him, lying down and proceeding to get comfortable. Suddenly, it felt all too much. It had felt too much for hours now, but right in this moment, he felt as if he would break down and never get up again if he didn't shut his feelings of for a moment. Each emotion was burning him out some more, until he felt hollow and empty.

Izuku hovered where he was still propped up, obviously confused by the sudden change, before he hesitantly lowered himself, easing himself down until he was lying next to Toshinori. Though a good few inches away from his mentor, keeping respectful distance.

Deciding that he would not have any of that, not after today, Toshinori called out softly. "Izuku."

"Ah, yes?"

"Come here," stretching out one arm towards the boy, the retired hero signalled him to come closer.

There was a pause before the already expected spluttering started. Izuku flailed, rambled, most likely blushed, all at the same time.

Toshinori waited patiently for it to pass, not changing his position, knowing that he would win with patience.

And true enough, Izuku quieted down after a good minute, pausing before he asked softly, "Really?"

"Really," Toshinori confirmed, "And now come here, my arm is getting heavy."

At that, Izuku snorted softly, but crawled over readily now.

It took them some moving, adjusting and bumping their heads together accidentally before they managed to settle down. Izuku was resting his head half on Toshinori's chest and half of the bony shoulder above while one hand gripped the loose T-Shirt hanging around the hero's frame. His whole stance was tense and breathing ragged.

In return, Toshinori had one arm slung around the smaller body, stroking Izuku's back lightly as he murmured, "Izuku."

"Y-Yes?"

"Relax."

"I'm sorry."

"And don't apologize for everything."

"I'm…" Izuku interrupted himself before he could say it, sighing quietly. Finally, the tension seemed to leave his body, and he relaxed against his mentor, snuggling closer.

"That's better," Toshinori rumbled, eyes dropping heavily as fatigue caught up to him. It had been quite the exhausting day. Barely stifling a yawn, he teased lightly, "I don't see why you can hold my hand for hours but not hug me while sleeping."

"It's not the same," Izuku insisted, the tension returning.

"How so?"

"I was comforting you before!"

"You are doing so now, too. And that aside - we shared quite a few hugs before."

"But not that long!"

"There is a time limit for hugs?"

"No, but… wait," Izuku trailed off as he thought off something. Then, all of sudden, his head shot up from his resting place so fast the boy almost fell over. "Are you teasing me?!"

His tone was so incredulous and so surprised, Toshinori couldn't help himself. He started laughing, deep and rumbling, laughter shaking his whole body until fresh tears trailed down his face, though this time, it were tears of mirth. He laughed until his chest and hurt and he had to wheeze for breathe.

"It's not that funny," Izuku murmured once the man had settled down.

Toshinori chuckled weakly at that, not enough breathe left to laugh again. "If I stop teasing you, will you finally settle down and sleep?"

"…Okay," deciding that he could do that, Izuku settled down again, shifting carefully around until he could snuggle up to his mentor without accidentally aggravating the large scar in Toshinori's side.

Grateful for the consideration and touched by it, Toshinori tightened his grip around the boy, silently pulling him closer.

It didn't take long for Izuku to fall asleep (again) after that, his breathe evening out, grip around Toshinori loosening slightly but not fully.

Toshinori stayed awake for a bit longer, even though the fatigue he felt was overwhelming. Peering down at his sleeping through the dark, he thought about Nana's last message for him.

His life right now… it was by no means perfection. Toshinori was tired, he was hurting and missing his mentor still. He was no hero anymore, far from that. He was worrying every waking moment about the fact that he was by no means a good teacher yet, and that he often did not know what to do to be there for his students and his successor especially. Often, he wished Nana could be here to tell him what he should do.

But all of that didn't matter, not right now. Not when he was lying awake, carefully ruffling Izuku's hair while he listened to the sleeping boy's breathing. It didn't matter, because there was a boy clinging to him as if Toshinori meant the world to him.

It didn't matter when Toshinori looked down at Izuku and decided that, yes, he had found what Nana had hoped for.

Toshinori had found Izuku. Or Izuku had found him. Either way was fine.

It may not be perfect, Toshinori thought while drifting to sleep, but it was everything he wanted.


End file.
